Twenty

photo credit to my lovely friend, Ruby

Twenty is strange. It’s not quite an adult, but definitely not a teenager. One thing’s for sure: your life is starting to take shape, in one way or another. Obviously, nothing is fixed, but you’re probably either in a job, training, or higher education.

I’m the latter, and a dropout, too – or, at least, I was, since I’m now back in university, having discovered that I still don’t know what I want to do, but I know that I definitely don’t want to study Politics… or, at least, that I hate writing essays. While I’m glad that I’m now studying something I know I’ll enjoy doing, it does worry me that I’m being pigeon-holed somewhat; I’m only twenty, I hate the idea that I’m confined to just one thing, and, more so, that I’m seen as just that thing.

On the other hand, I’m sure there are people who are thrilled that they have everything figured out.

One day, I will absolutely go into my chosen career, but it won’t be the year after I graduate. There’s still so much I want to do – I want to see the world, I want to learn and perform fire hoop, I want to go to as many gigs and festivals as I possibly can, first.

I often look at friends who are travelling, or doing things that aren’t revolving around uni, and it makes me wonder, sometimes – did I make the right decision? Am I really doing what I want to do, or have I accidentally messed up my plans?

Obviously, no, because I’m so young, really, but especially with restarting university, I feel like I’ve ‘lost’ a year to do everything. Twenty, as a child, and even a sixth form student, seemed a whole world away, and now I’ve reached that age… just, wow. Where’s all the time gone?

Equally, I know there are a lot of things I have done. I’ve seen art exhibitions, plays, ballets, musicals, all sorts of things. I’ve written over 50,000 words in 11 days. I’m a trained classical singer, I can chest hoop, I’ve been to New York. This summer, I hope to see more of the UK, and I hope to do it with the one I love the most. I will, after graduation, spend a year travelling the world, seeing all the things I want to see.

One day, I will write a novel, maybe publish it. I’ll write a dissertation, I’ll perform at a festival.

After all, I’m only twenty.

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Published by

Zara Robinson

Twenty-year-old trainee teacher, hippie and weird jewellery collector living in Brighton.

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